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February 26, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — littlebit123 @ 10:29 pm

Today marks as the last day. The last day of what you may be asking… The last day I will be keeping hope, the last day I believe in something that I had thought I was sure of. Today marks as the last day my heart will bend in that direction. For so long I lived this fairy tale, while my peers tried to reveal my reality. I however, desired to live in my mind, and turned a blind eye. I lived in this fantastic hope that one day things would change. Because I was so sure the situation was different than any other situation before.. Naive, it’s the only way to express it. And more and more the days waned by and my ugliness grew. Beginning inside of me and devouring me whole, so that I no longer can hide it physically. 

My heart feels as though it’s come in contact with a shot gun, leaving bits of matter as the lasting evidence of once something whole. I feel I have no heart, like I am this empty vessel. Iam so mortified that I feel completely numb. I don’t care about anything, if the whole world came crashing down at this moment. I would look up and greet fates fickle thorn with a shrug of acceptance. Were I to die today, a feeling of indifference fills the forefront of my mind. I do not have a passion or care for my education, nor my once sacred to my heart bucket list. for nothing, I have nothing left. What once was is gone. And I am left with no feelings, nor reactions. This is not a time for anger or crying, what good will come of it now? Cheer and merriment have lost their taste. If you were to look upon my eyes you would regard a lifeless expression. I am not here, rarely am I, but today I left completely. 

 

ATTN: Toys May Attack! February 7, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — littlebit123 @ 9:52 pm

Lately things have been fluttering around my head, I’m not talking about literally fluttering. If there was some literal fluttering going around my head I might have to go get myself checked out, but no. I’m talking about on the clock thinking, theres always been something on my mind.  Not anything real specific, nothing quite troubling, although things have troubled me. (Have you noticed it’s your worries and troubles you dwell on more than the positive aspect of all of it?… Hmm, I’ve always wondered why that is.)

Boom! that last sentence was an excellent example (Good one D-izzle) Things lately have just conjuclated into my brain. Conjuclated? is that even a word?… Honestly, I kind of like it… I wonder what it could mean. If it’s not already a word, I just made it up. I think I’ll give it the meaning of being confusing and jumbled, followed by just randominity!…Is randominity even a word?.

And so, because these conjuclated thoughts are flowing in through my brain with such exceeding velocity. I feel instead of it keeping it all inside and to myself, I can share it. And yes, I’m thinking exactly what you are, I hope this turns out well. Or else I’ll look like a baboon on a laptop making up words that aren’t in the dictionary and will most likely be forgotten by the next morning. So let us all remain hopeful that this will turn out however you (as the reader) wishes for this to turn out….Just not to hopeful, kay? Good.

Recently (recently, as in a few weeks ago) I watched Toy Story 3. Very good movie!  Toy Story was one of my favorite movies when I was younger.  Toy Story 2?…. Eh, not so much. But I had to watch TS3 I mean, it was the final chapters of some of my sweetest childhood memories. (Were you even alive when the first one came out?) The first time I watched it, I watched it with a friend, MISTAKE NUMBER ONE. If you break out into uncontrolable seizer looking jerks because you’re sobbing so hard, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Don’t watch (the final chapters) of childhood memories with friends… As much as I loved that movie, I couldn’t help but think from the credits to the end credits that it was going to be over. And I know it seems a bit over dramatic, but hey! this upset me more than when the lovers fell into the deep abyss all because an “indestructible” ship sunk!.

The next week I watched the movie again, only this time with my sister. When the movie ended. I turned to my sister and said, “From this day forward I’m going to treat my toys, stuffed animals, etc. Better!” She replied with a sarcastic good for you and commented on how the movie was good.

The following couple of weeks after watching the movie a second time. My sister came into my room to chill with me. She walked in and said, “Wow, did Frances (the hurricane) hit in here and the rest of the house remained intact?.” She found her way to my bed and sat down. I was busy fiddling with something in my room when all of a sudden she cried out, “Dawnie! what is the meaning of this!” she said as she held up a spotted giraffe stuffed animal. Caught right handed, in the act!. “Uhh, how’d that end up on the floor?” I said as I tried to slide my way out of this not so wrong accusation. “How’d that?- Dawnie! I thought after watching Toy Story you were going to treat your toys better!” “Huh, yes, I suppose I did say that didn’t I?. Well obviously the giraffe jumped off my bed onto the ground!” With such shame in her eyes, that pierced my very soul she said, “I’m very disappointed in you. Toy Story isn’t real! The toys don’t come alive when we’re not looking!”

There was no way to divert the subject any longer. I finally admitted my crime, as she just looked at me while shaking her head…I had done wrongly, I had treated my toys improperly. I was Sid in Toy Story 1. And I was absolutely disgusted with myself. I’ve made many pleads with my toys since then for their forgiveness… And silence has been my only reply, so now for fear of their revenge. I sleep light and with my eyes open.

 

Return the Favor November 4, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — littlebit123 @ 3:56 pm
Tags: , ,

“Never lie to someone who trusts you, never trust someone whose lied to you.”

Here lies the secrets for all eyes.

What has happened to trust? To the feeling of loyalty parading the air? Or maybe, parading the air is far to high a sentence to say in here.

I assume loyalty has been long gone even since the simple days had begun.  Slipped through loose lips, never seizing to care. Making all’s  business a free read and not a compound diary not to be shared.

It’s to whom these type are that make others want to lie in bed all day never to the greet the morning “Hey!”

To afraid to leave the comfort of your own home to face the unknown with a haunting feeling of the day going wrong.

“You can trust me!” they say, in a way that makes you feel okay.

So you say, and than later the nabbing realization of betrayal says, “Hey! what a fine day!” with a sinster smile that makes you feel lame. Cutting like a knife right in your life.

You feel the feeling of stupidity coursing through your brain.

All because you opened the door to let someone in to find out you’ve really only been ding-dong ditched. Man, were you bewitched!

Return the favor when one decides to reveal something to another, return the favor keep it secret, keep it quiet.

Unless harm can be caused is the only time true rule breaking should be crossed.

 

Goblet of Envy October 13, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — littlebit123 @ 8:36 pm
Tags: , ,

Oh, envious me.
Why do I  care to have what is beyond thee?
What is beyond me.

To sit and linger thought over thought about how they’ve got what you want and how your left with what you don’t got.

Pesty little mind beasts here to devour you from inside to leave you feeling helpless and dry.

Oh come on! Let it all succeed and they all go cheer with clinking of bells and harmonizing of voices uniting.

Because you’ve let them take you under their wing.
Losing the fight, making everything not so right.

It’s not all just a trick of the mind, an illusion to make you feel all baffled inside.
It’s an acceptance to what’s around that you seem to partake in.

All because you drunk the drink of enviousness.
You took part in your own wastefulness.

It’s your mistake, please wake up, because I assure you there is no cake.

 

Paper Prayers October 6, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — littlebit123 @ 1:48 am
Tags: , ,

Papers papers.
Lots of papers. 
Papers filled with little prayers.
Desperate hearts in need of hope, come to the one to guide them home. 
Crying out as a last resort, in need of aid, relief, of support. 

Papers papers.
Lots of papers.
Papers filled with questioning, begging, pleading prayers. 
Hoping just for someone to return the favor. 
Someone to have an open ear, to listen, to hear.

 

Maker October 1, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — littlebit123 @ 9:49 pm
Tags: , ,

A pot, a useless vassal?
I think not!
Carved and made to perfection by a maker who exceeds
in exactness and is not limited to faultlessness.

Even if we’ve been broken with a crack in us, he loves us.
Even if when what’s in us is not what he wants in us, he loves us.

He created us with perfection why not let him use us to our utmost ability.

Let us be the best we can be.
Fix our broken pottery.
The King in all his majesty is willing to do all of that for you, for me.

 

The Robot from an Unknown Planet September 23, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — littlebit123 @ 6:29 pm

Sometimes I feel like I’m not even real, like I’m in a pseudo human body. Or robot from an unknown planet searching for some real life source, some real meaning behind all these thoughts and questions boggling around in my mind. In fact, I think that’s the one real thing about me, the endless thoughts running through me. I go day by day getting what needs to be done done, and all the while I think about those scriptures that talk about not wasting time on meaningless and foolish things and I can’t help but think, man is that me?. They talk about filling our minds, hearts, and soul with God and making him the rock in our life. And I think man that sounds right, am I wasting all my time on this school, hanging with friends, with life?

If everyone says I’m it, the generation to lead the nation, then shouldn’t I take the duration of my life spending it learning on how to take on such a big undertake. Shouldn’t schooling, my career, marriage, the whole life list just be a insignificant passing thought from within? Since I’m surrendering all I am to this enterprise I might as well throw everything else right down the sewer line. If it is in fact true that this is my destiny than how come everyone says theres more important things. What could be more important than the fate of you? Of me?

Well, Obviously this is beyond belief and even beyond comprehending. Maybe, I’m wasting my time trying to solve this insolvable puzzle.