February 26, 2013

Today marks as the last day. The last day of what you may be asking… The last day I will be keeping hope, the last day I believe in something that I had thought I was sure of. Today marks as the last day my heart will bend in that direction. For so long I lived this fairy tale, while my peers tried to reveal my reality. I however, desired to live in my mind, and turned a blind eye. I lived in this fantastic hope that one day things would change. Because I was so sure the situation was different than any other situation before.. Naive, it’s the only way to express it. And more and more the days waned by and my ugliness grew. Beginning inside of me and devouring me whole, so that I no longer can hide it physically. 

My heart feels as though it’s come in contact with a shot gun, leaving bits of matter as the lasting evidence of once something whole. I feel I have no heart, like I am this empty vessel. Iam so mortified that I feel completely numb. I don’t care about anything, if the whole world came crashing down at this moment. I would look up and greet fates fickle thorn with a shrug of acceptance. Were I to die today, a feeling of indifference fills the forefront of my mind. I do not have a passion or care for my education, nor my once sacred to my heart bucket list. for nothing, I have nothing left. What once was is gone. And I am left with no feelings, nor reactions. This is not a time for anger or crying, what good will come of it now? Cheer and merriment have lost their taste. If you were to look upon my eyes you would regard a lifeless expression. I am not here, rarely am I, but today I left completely. 

Return the Favor November 4, 2010

“Never lie to someone who trusts you, never trust someone whose lied to you.”

Here lies the secrets for all eyes.

What has happened to trust? To the feeling of loyalty parading the air? Or maybe, parading the air is far to high a sentence to say in here.

I assume loyalty has been long gone even since the simple days had begun.  Slipped through loose lips, never seizing to care. Making all’s  business a free read and not a compound diary not to be shared.

It’s to whom these type are that make others want to lie in bed all day never to the greet the morning “Hey!”

To afraid to leave the comfort of your own home to face the unknown with a haunting feeling of the day going wrong.

“You can trust me!” they say, in a way that makes you feel okay.

So you say, and than later the nabbing realization of betrayal says, “Hey! what a fine day!” with a sinster smile that makes you feel lame. Cutting like a knife right in your life.

You feel the feeling of stupidity coursing through your brain.

All because you opened the door to let someone in to find out you’ve really only been ding-dong ditched. Man, were you bewitched!

Return the favor when one decides to reveal something to another, return the favor keep it secret, keep it quiet.

Unless harm can be caused is the only time true rule breaking should be crossed.

Goblet of Envy October 13, 2010

Oh, envious me.
Why do I  care to have what is beyond thee?
What is beyond me.

To sit and linger thought over thought about how they’ve got what you want and how your left with what you don’t got.

Pesty little mind beasts here to devour you from inside to leave you feeling helpless and dry.

Oh come on! Let it all succeed and they all go cheer with clinking of bells and harmonizing of voices uniting.

Because you’ve let them take you under their wing.
Losing the fight, making everything not so right.

It’s not all just a trick of the mind, an illusion to make you feel all baffled inside.
It’s an acceptance to what’s around that you seem to partake in.

All because you drunk the drink of enviousness.
You took part in your own wastefulness.

It’s your mistake, please wake up, because I assure you there is no cake.

Paper Prayers October 6, 2010

Papers papers.
Lots of papers. 
Papers filled with little prayers.
Desperate hearts in need of hope, come to the one to guide them home. 
Crying out as a last resort, in need of aid, relief, of support. 

Papers papers.
Lots of papers.
Papers filled with questioning, begging, pleading prayers. 
Hoping just for someone to return the favor. 
Someone to have an open ear, to listen, to hear.

Maker October 1, 2010

A pot, a useless vassal?
I think not!
Carved and made to perfection by a maker who exceeds
in exactness and is not limited to faultlessness.

Even if we’ve been broken with a crack in us, he loves us.
Even if when what’s in us is not what he wants in us, he loves us.

He created us with perfection why not let him use us to our utmost ability.

Let us be the best we can be.
Fix our broken pottery.
The King in all his majesty is willing to do all of that for you, for me.

The Robot from an Unknown Planet September 23, 2010

Sometimes I feel like I’m not even real, like I’m in a pseudo human body. Or robot from an unknown planet searching for some real life source, some real meaning behind all these thoughts and questions boggling around in my mind. In fact, I think that’s the one real thing about me, the endless thoughts running through me. I go day by day getting what needs to be done done, and all the while I think about those scriptures that talk about not wasting time on meaningless and foolish things and I can’t help but think, man is that me?. They talk about filling our minds, hearts, and soul with God and making him the rock in our life. And I think man that sounds right, am I wasting all my time on this school, hanging with friends, with life?

If everyone says I’m it, the generation to lead the nation, then shouldn’t I take the duration of my life spending it learning on how to take on such a big undertake. Shouldn’t schooling, my career, marriage, the whole life list just be a insignificant passing thought from within? Since I’m surrendering all I am to this enterprise I might as well throw everything else right down the sewer line. If it is in fact true that this is my destiny than how come everyone says theres more important things. What could be more important than the fate of you? Of me?

Well, Obviously this is beyond belief and even beyond comprehending. Maybe, I’m wasting my time trying to solve this insolvable puzzle.